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In my head…

You know those days when your moods are all over the place? You don’t know if you’re happy, sad, or whatever. It usually happens around that time of the month for me ( sorry if that’s TMI ) but my emotions have been alllll overrrrr. Which makes my anxiety worse too.. I sound like a wreck I know, but don’t judge me. I try my best to stay positive every day, but that also means I have to overlook a lot of the things that upset me. So it’s okay to have days to let it all out !! It took me a while to realize that because so many people look at me as this strong person with the most positive outlook on life. I didn’t want anyone to think otherwise either, so I hold my tears back more than I probably should. Fun fact: I’m a cry baby. I will literally cry about anything! Im just very good at hiding it. I like to cry in peace (: You’re probably wondering what’s on my mind when I just want to burst into to tears… well I’ll tell you & honestly I’ll probably cry just typing it. I’m not a very open person so this is definitely out of my comfort zone.

BUT HERE WE GO :

1. every single thing I see or try to do, I picture myself doing it normally first. Example: I see a lake or pool & I think tubing or swimming. Then I think, hold on how can I do that now and do I even want to try? Am I in the mood to ask for help?

2. I want to go somewhere, but I’m not sure if someone feels like taking me. (Sometimes I will talk myself out of it before even asking) I hate feeling like someone has to go out of their way to do something for me or with me!

3. If I could completely choose how my life was going, would I live here? Probably not. Would I be traveling all over the world? I hope so!

4. Relationships.. I’ve been single for years & my mind can’t help but go to.. if you weren’t in this situation, and they could really see the full goofy, loving person you are without this stupid injury.. you’d probably be wifed up by now ( because I’m pretty great to be honest) #selflove

5. I don’t feel like I’m living up to my full “friend” potential! I want to be there for everyone & be as supportive as I can! I would literally do anything for my friends, but I have to depend on other people to get me there. It hurts me when it doesn’t work out. (Even though most of the time I know people wouldn’t do the same for me) but that’s just my character & I can’t help it. In the long run I end up getting hurt, but I just haaaad to get a good heart, so I guess that’s one of the downfalls.

If I tried to list out everything that went through my head everyday I’d have to write a novel. So I’m gonna keep it short and to the point. I just want everyone to know that even though I’m a positive person, I still have my struggles. It’s okay to cry! Just let it out, move on, and continue trying to live your best life! I’ll be trying right there with you(:

-Emmielynn

4 thoughts on “In my head…

  1. Emmie, we all have struggles and insecurities, it makes us who we are. Never believe that having a good heart is a downfall, it makes you a caring compassionate human who feels empathy more than most people do. It’s both a gift and a curse at times. One day the right person will come along who loves you for that caring heart. You’ll know who he is because he’ll care more about you than he cares for himself! It’s ok to have fear of the unknown and living up to your potential is a work in progress, it doesn’t happen all at once, your still learning what your potential is and as long as you don’t give up on yourself your potential is limitless. I too hate asking for help and part of it I think is the fear of rejection, and hating to put someone out but we all need help to get where we want to be. Much love Emmie, just be the person with a good heart and you can’t go wrong.

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  2. I so feel what you are saying. I struggle SO much, specifically with wanting to be the best friend possible but its not always possible. I want to be everyone’s support system and be there to listen and care. Sometimes, my life goes crazy or I get into a bad mindset and I can’t be there for everyone else and I always feel awful. I always feel like friend is one of my first titles and I always have to live up to that full potential.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m the exact same way! The worst part about it is when you don’t get that care in return… keep being that good friend though because there’s always going to be someone that needs one (:

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